Nikhil's Blog

As I began understanding myself better, I realised that my understanding of the world is inverted. I understand almost everything through its absence rather than its presence. If you ask me what kind of furniture you should buy for your house, my mind doesn't imagine the perfect piece of furniture. Instead, it imagines a house without any furniture and concludes that anything would be better than nothing. I don't picture what would look beautiful. I simply recognise that furniture ought to…

Everything in this world has an expiry date. Literally everything you see has a mechanism through which it dies, and you know that in advance. Thousands of years ago, Hindu scriptures described the world as cyclical. Everything that has been created will eventually come to an end. Creation and destruction are inseparably linked, each giving rise to the other in an endless cycle. Some things take longer to die, while others perish early. If you extend that logic and apply it to human beings, you…

The most common complaint between couples is that the attention is no longer the same as it used to be. One person becomes more focused on work than on their personal relationships. And you wonder why the other person feels this way because, from your perspective, you have been talking to them, laughing with them, and spending time together just as you always have. But beneath the surface, things have changed in ways you forget to notice. Everything good that happens between two people happens…

If you are someone who has often been told that you are too nice to people, that you tolerate far more than you should, you have probably found yourself wondering whether you should finally lash out or continue being the person you are. You are conflicted because, deep down, you know you want to react, yet you also worry about coming across as impolite or crude. You do not want to hurt others, so you end up hurting yourself, which only breeds further frustration. The problem with being nice is…

Most people are wired to see imperfections in themselves. Your confidence can fall so low that you only see beauty in others and never in yourself. Your observations become so acute that you spot every tiny imperfection: how you look, which part of your body is oddly shaped, how you speak, where you falter, and how embarrassing you think you are in front of others. When someone points out that you are focusing too much on your imperfections, you cannot process it because, to you, it's true. You…

Everybody wants stability in a relationship, which is a practical choice. Everybody wants peace in the end. They want a household free of fights and quarrels, an intuitive understanding, and essentially a life without any challenges. But such a partner and such a life also come with their own tradeoffs. Imagine living a life where your heart never skips a beat. The passion never materialises because there's no catalyst for it to surface. Both people are so consumed by their own routines that…

There are people in your life who are miserable no matter what happens to them. Regardless of how their life unfolds, they will always find something to be upset about. This isn't about chronic complaining itself, though that's the only visible sign of it, it's what makes someone a chronic complainer underneath. Everybody goes through struggles in life. Some are internal, where you're wrestling with your own psychology, trying to understand yourself better, trying to correct behavioural quirks.…

Smoking is one of those habits I buried, but it refuses to stay buried. I was a teetotaler for most of my life until I got a taste of a cigarette and liked it. Before I could even register what was happening, I had moved on to a pack a day, until it got so bad that I was reaching for a cigarette the moment I woke up. I would wake up in the evening and begin my day with a cigarette, until one day, standing on a balcony, I noticed a young kid watching me smoke. I realized I might be inspiring…

A lot of the time, you feel that your excitement about a particular topic or piece of conversation isn't being reciprocated in kind. You realise the other person isn't as interested as you thought they'd be. They're listening to what you're saying out of courtesy, not attention. They won't remember most of the conversation by the time you circle back to it. This feeling deflates us, because we assume the other person isn't interested in us. We forget that most of the information we share is out…

The mark of an intelligent person is how comfortably he handles contrarian views, and more importantly, how well he handles dissent. Nobody is perfect, no argument is airtight, no approach is the right approach, so there is always room for dissent. There will always be people who have something to say about what you do. Some call it feedback, some call it dissent, some call it jealousy. Regardless of how you choose to frame it, having people voice their dissatisfaction about your conduct or…

When you're with someone for a long time, whether through a relationship or marriage, it's natural to feel saturated, bored, even unsatisfied. Every issue takes on outsized proportions, every minor argument spirals out of control, and before you know it, even talking to them starts to feel difficult. Sure, you course-correct, but this remains a recurring theme in every relationship. This continues for as long as you live, regardless of who you're with. But when you meet someone new, when you're…

Remember when your heart was broken and you wanted her to tell you, just once, why she left you? Why she cheated on you? Why she didn't tell you this before, when there was still time? You said you wanted closure, but there's no such thing as a perfect closure. There's no perfect ending. That notion of a clean conclusion is a myth propagated by stories and movies. They propagate this myth because they run on a schedule. They have to wrap things up by steering you toward a logical conclusion. So…

When you enter university and watch your seniors at their farewell, you hear them dishing out the best advice on how to enjoy college life. They tell you these are your best years, that you'll never get them back, so you should live them fully. But you, having just started, never get it. You resort to bickering over trivial issues. You wait to be rid of college life so you can enter adult life and start making money. Until it's your turn at the farewell, and you realise you're dispensing the…

Everybody is good at something they practice unknowingly, something that comes naturally to them or emerges from habits built subconsciously. You don't realise how good you've become until you're placed in an environment that directly tests it. This is also why most people carry that lack of self worth, thinking they aren't good enough, because they've been measuring themselves against the wrong standard. But when you're in an environment where your particular skillset is valued, you naturally…

Every person goes through the feeling of being left alone. Of being abandoned. When they try to connect with someone and that person doesn't react with the same intensity. When you sent that text and it's been an hour and she hasn't responded. Worse, you saw her posting an Instagram story, so she clearly has her phone in hand but hasn't prioritised your message. That feeling in your stomach is called abandonment. We fear rejection because we don't want to be left alone. Rejection reminds us…

A lot of people in long-term relationships become unhappy after a while. They say it's normal. That love eventually fades. They begin to believe love is only ever early infatuation or attraction, and once that fades, the mundanities of life take over. Then the conflict begins. But they all agree that there should be respect between two people to sustain the relationship. This is where they draw the line. This all sounds healthy and intellectual. It is not. It is a defeatist mindset born out of…

We overthink too much before revealing our true personalities. I am of the opinion that no person is truly serious. They appear so because they want to project a certain image to people. They are afraid to appear vulnerable in front of others. Vulnerability is being absolutely honest with someone. And we all worry about displaying our softer side, our honest side. But the best moments happen when we let loose. When we shed our inhibitions and enjoy the moment in a way that truly reflects who we…

You never realise you are jeopardising your life in the moment you are doing it. You have no context, while committing the act, that this very act would prove fatal. There is no way to determine that in advance. A person in an inebriated state never realises that this state would become permanent. That he would crave this very state every day, and that craving would destroy everything else in his life. All forms of realisation are acts of hindsight analysis. All of your understanding,…

You don't have friends in your office. That's a bitter pill to swallow. You cannot be friends with someone you're competing against. There's no such thing as healthy competition. Wherever competition exists, one-upmanship follows. You have to withhold information from them. You have to resist the urge to overshare. You cannot, therefore, be completely honest with them. And without honesty, there can never be genuine friendship. Corporations condition you to believe this is your best career…

What kind of a man are you? You should ask yourself this question often in your life. This is an identity-building question. It shapes how you think. Before that, it exposes how you think. It forces you to become the ideal version of yourself. This question opens so many doors for introspection that, if you are truthful, it has the potential to transform you. No amount of resolution, willpower, or commitment holds a candle to this question. Make a promise and keep it. Every time you are tempted…

When I started writing down my thoughts, I worried that someone would read them. The purpose of writing and publishing in public was that I wanted people to read them. This conflict raged constantly in my head. I wanted attention. I didn't want questions. But the two come together. If someone pays attention to what you write, they are likely to ask you questions about it. I wanted people to be curious about my life. But not too nosy. The contradiction grew unbearable, and I gave up on writing.…

People have no clue who lives in their neighbourhood. What problems they are facing. How do they deal with everyday life. Do they have someone to look after them? We have started calling this indifference a lack of time. That we have gotten busy with our routines. That life happened to all of us. That's the most bullshit excuse I have ever heard. I call it bullshit because people do have time to know about other people. They are choosing those people instead. They know more about a content…

You can tell a lot about a man by where he spends his money. It feels strange at first. Counterintuitive too. Money has become the clearest expression of our personality. A lack of money makes us desperate. An abundance of money can make us arrogant. Our treatment of people differs by how much money they have. Your influence depends on how much money you have in the bank. Our reputation hinges on money. We are judged by how much we earn. Heck, if you are a man, you will be loved in proportion…

You do not choose who you fall in love with. No matter what stage of life you're in. No matter how deeply loyal you are in your relationship. No matter how ethical you think you are. You have no control over who you fall for. It's so automatic, so natural, so evolutionarily wired that you can't even register it happening. It happens beneath your awareness. Through the unconscious. You can choose who you stay in a relationship with. Who you marry. Why you marry. How long you stay married. These…

We never pause to consider the consequences of our actions. We only think of the immediate ones. Not the second-order effects. Certainly not the third-order, cascading ones. We want to benefit at all costs. We construct narratives that serve us. Instead of weighing the outcomes of our actions thoroughly. The worst part is the justification we offer ourselves. If everyone's doing it, what's the point of my goodness? And what does it matter? It doesn't mean much. That's how corruption takes hold.…

Explain one thought to yourself every day. No matter how busy you are. No matter how tough you find that activity. Pick up an idea, a thought, something that bothered you throughout the day. And write down everything you know about that thought. What did you feel. Where did you feel it. What does it all mean. How did it actually feel? What was your expectation of that person who hurt you. Why did it hurt so much. These are important questions. A man has to live with himself after all. You…

We want what we cannot have. We want the money the other person earns. We enjoy spending time with the other woman. We are drawn to women we should stay away from. We spend too much on things we don't need. We want that car. That house. That woman. That luxury. The easy answer is envy. We envy those who already have it. We watch them enjoying life and feel we deserve that same enjoyment. We crave that same status. We want to feel special. We look toward other women who make us feel special…

I could sit still for hours, staring out the window, watching and listening to the rain as it strikes the metal and the hard floor below. The sound makes me lose track of time entirely. It's therapeutic in that it often heals me. But it also sends me on a wild ride through my own mind. I've noticed I can get lost in imagination for hours without shifting position once. I lose track of my surroundings entirely; no noise penetrates my inner, meditative state. This is the most beautiful mental…

It is frustrating to deal with people who lack any sort of curiosity. They go through life stumbling from one problem to another, without any inclination to know why the problem existed or how it ever got resolved. Naturally they have no interest in preventing those problems in the future. Even when they try, their idea of prevention is simply erecting more guardrails. The trouble with such people is that they operate from within their personal safety net. Everything is about them. Their…

If you love something, you need to find time in your life to pursue it. To engage with it. To feel alive. To feel worthy enough. When you love something more than yourself, you need to be involved in it. That involvement gives you the sense of fulfilment you so crave. It fills the void inside you that no one else can. If you love playing the piano, find time to play it every day. Not weekends. Not the long holidays. Not whenever you happen to have time. Find time to practice it every single…