i went outside

well, it always surprises me how much difference a day can make in how i'm feeling. i don't feel as hopeless anymore. the rain is pattering down on the panes of glass in the window next to me, i'm still feeling pleasantly buzzed from the few beers i had earlier at a photo meet up at a brewery, and i talked to a lot of other photographers and just altogether felt more seen and appreciated than i do at my day job. i need to make more of an effort to reach out to these people i've met, and grow this part of my life more. its tough, because it means putting myself out there and being more social. i don't know where i got this feeling that i'm not good at that. i actually am pretty good at that. its so easy to keep living in my head, whiling away the hours and the days, trying to brainstorm some way to get that dream job or make a little more money, and then nothing happens. nothing happens because i'm in my apartment, thinking that the next posting i find will be the one that will lead me…