organised chaos

i have a confesion to make: %%purple%%i prentend to be organised than i really am%%. i have myself some pretty simple organisational tools for daily life, digital life, and work; yet, i always find it hard to actually use them. even after gameifying things for myself. it isn't about %%yellow%%motivation%% or even %%orange%%practicality%%. my systems are practical and easy to use. it is really more about %%green%%habit%%, or %%red%%lack thereof%%. for most of my life i have just let my dyslexic and adhd brain guide me nearly blindly through each day, week, month, or year. i have always told myself: i ain't disorganised, this is organised chaos! well, one word is right in that sentiment: %%red%%chaos%%. but there is %%blue%%no real organisation going on%%. i start checklists, but never even complete them to start checking items off. i write in my journal so sporadically it can take years to get any semblance of a life lived. i plot my workdays and schedules into my zettelkasten neovim…