tugba's blog

today i came across a documentary called a breath with pina bausch on youtube. the film documents her time in istanbul and offers insight into her creative process while working on nefés (breath). the piece was developed after bausch visited istanbul in 2002, when she spent three weeks in the city with her dance company and was performed in 2003 as part of the istanbul theatre festival. i’m questioning why i had no idea about this piece of hers, so i wanted to share it here, in case you might…

repetition is not repetition. the same action makes you feel something completely different by the end. i repeat something and after three times, the person should react. [pina bausch] i had the opportunity to see pina bausch’s iconic work café müller during the 27th istanbul theatre festival in 2024 and it was quiet a philosophical experience, one that stayed with me long after. and today i came across a documentary called a breath with pina bausch on youtube. the film documents her time in…

i have this sentence from jonah lehrer’s "imagine: how creativity works" written down in my notebook: this is glaser’s fundamental method: he thinks until he can think no more. it describes milton glaser’s creative process. glaser doesn’t settle for the first idea or a surface level solution. he keeps pushing a concept from every angle. he questions it, refines it, breaks it down, and rebuilds it until he feels he has exhausted every possible thought about it. this is something i practice too…

yerin altında bir süre kaldıktan sonra bir daha dünyaya asla aynı gözle bakamazsınız. dünya, anlatılamayacak kadar güzelleşir gözünüzde ama yine de bu güzellik öylesine geçici, öylesine gerçek dışı bir ışığa bulanır ki, asla somutlaşmaz... Previous

i had previously cluttered my digital environment. i used to have multiple instagram accounts, a website i kept trying to optimize to fit my needs but never really could, countless photos and files, and so many unnecessary subscriptions and platforms taking up mental space. over time, i decluttered all of it. i downsized my external drives, organized my files in a better way, and got rid of countless bookmarked pages i never returned to. i deleted the extra instagram accounts and eventually…

i feel like we sometimes cling to ideas too tightly instead of considering them as temporary states of mind. i like to think of ideas as small experiments you can live inside without needing to immediately prove or disprove them, so that you can explore possibilities without the pressure of commitment. uncertainty doesn’t become a problem to eliminate, but a method to work with. Previous

“iyi misin?” sorusunun bazen anlamaya çalışmaktan çok karşıdakinin duygusu üzerinden kendi varlığını hatırlatmanın kestirme bir yolu olması... bunu herkes illa yaşamıştır diye düşünüyorum. rabbit trap (2025) Previous

you seem like someone with a thousand doors wide open. imagine everyone had a thousand doors inside them. reading something written by someone who hasn't even opened a single door is so boring and suffocating. but reading a screenplay by someone with a few doors open grabs my attention. you seem like someone who's got all a thousand doors wide open. i'm about to become something incredible. i'm going to become incredibly and even more, more, more, more worthless, and even more, more, more, more…

this might sound a bit unusual but when i walk or do some light work, and if i need some sound in the background, i don’t listen to music. i listen to movies. most people reach for playlists, albums, youtube videos, or podcasts during their commute, but these mediums are actually surprisingly hard for me to keep in the background. it’s not that i don’t like music. it’s that it depends so much on mood. a song that feels perfect in one moment can feel completely wrong just a little later. so i…

i've come across a few early examples of wordless novels and fell in love with them instantly. you're not guided by language; they propose another mode of reading altogether. the story is constructed through the connection between images, and the space that is shaped by the perception of the reader. the sun (lee soleil) by frans masereel (1919): destiny (schicksal) by otto nückel: gods' man by lynd ward (1929):

everywhere we look, we see more options, more ideas, more opportunities to add. we’re curious. we want to try. we want to experience. we want to take a closer look, to see for ourselves what that shiny thing really is. so “let’s also do this” sounds harmless. maybe it is, at first. but over time, after trying, after learning what works for us and what doesn’t, the real skill stops being about doing more. it becomes about choosing what not to do. choosing to do less, on purpose, and not losing…

richard linklater in dream is destiny describes life as a spiral and offers a keen observation: you don’t want to come back to this exact same spot, but you can’t help it through life. it’s a spiral. you know? you kind of come back to a new spot. you’re farther down the line, but you’re in a similar position. you return to similar emotional coordinates, but never as the same person. what feels like going in circles is actually movement with memory. Previous

i attended a single sesson of 6th istanbul international experimental film festival last year, but it was enough to leave a lasting impression. it is the only film festival i look forward to. experimental cinema has a way of stretching your perception of what film can be, especially when it intersects with academia and philosophy. unlike mainstream screenings, these films don’t always offer clear narratives or easy interpretations. instead, they invite you to experience, question, and sometimes…