22 - it gets to a point

TW: suicide There's an irony in writing this post when there are a few posts already written about the subject of suicide and self harm shortly before this. It's a difficult thing, living after the fact that you've survived a suicidal attempt. Sometimes you think yourself stronger for surviving it. Other times, like today, it rears its ugly head. Convinces you that your mother's very gentle words of encouragement and comfort mean nothing — you have no future, nothing to look forward to, nothing worth trying for. The wound festering so terribly that you're afraid to admit to anyone, not even to your closest of friends and your partner (another irony then, that I would feel more comfortable confessing this here and exposing myself to strangers from all over the world), that you don't know how to live after the suicide attempt. You don't know how to live after the fact that you tried to die by your own hands. And now it feels like it's so overwhelming that maybe death sounds very…