(image courtesy of an unknown artist) since when does such a quietly beautiful autumn afternoon bring with it so much existential anxiety and dread? surrounded by family, loved ones, laughing, chatting, trading anecdotes and sharing snippets of lives being lived. the streaks of sun yawning through the tall glass windows, spilling easily onto the couch as if joining us for tea. reaching out to touch the faint warmth, to remind myself that it's real. to reassure myself that it actually is. to be so overwhelmingly aware of the hundreds, thousands, millions of lives you could be living right now. at each and every moment. is a uniquely paralysing kind of feeling. when you feel like you're occupying a space within none of them. a tucked-away amphitheatre to purgatory, made from so many layered, encircling levels of hell that it comes full circle to cast a sickly, heavenly mirage. of that one golden word. "opportunity". "i just want to live. not like this. not like this." (severe TW, ED.)…
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