day140 - thoughtless

your therapist looks up at you from her notes with her head cocked to the side. dogs do that sometimes when you say a word they almost understand. why do they both evoke the same feeling? curiosity laced with a faint and unplaceable recognition. "You're very self aware. Do you realise that?", she asks. The question following the statement doesn't feel rhetorical and it makes you laugh, not out loud but like, intellectually: the thought of being so self-aware but not actually being self-aware enough to know how self-aware you are. You choose your words carefully enough, "I think so", you say, as if you haven't been painfully aware of every neatly placed social domino you've knocked over to the disappointment and frustration of your peers. You were no playground anarchist, deftly exposing the absurdity of what it means to be normal, you felt like a Beyblade set loose in a crystal cabinet. You were perfectly content to spin in place, but your natural momentum always seemed to carry you…