another deep dive into finality and isolated resurgance of my very ego and self from the rot and ash and stiffening of my solace

guretinguso i am return from the fringe once more my lovely witness of this night i hope you are really here with me in this moment, i dont mind the loneliness but it would be nice to be... seen felt or, contemplated.... ... ((reciprocated)) ((mayb one day i will find you again...)) ah gosh. where are we now. hmm. i am staying with some rather pleasant individuals, names of lee and tanya. its a long story and i cannot describe in any proper quantifiable sense this overwhelming restlessness which i am currently wearing, against my weakened will. pardon my whining, it is really a lovely day after all. its been 1.5 weeks since i left him again. though ive said this many times prior, i say it now and feel it in my bones, and pray that it remains to be true- i am not going to return to him. not this time. i deserve to be loved the way i deserve to be loved. i will not settle any longer for anything less than the same abundance of respect and adoration and emotional involvement. i refuse to…