I had a burnout yesterday

The title is self explanatory. A shitload of personal issues finally made me crash, but not in the way I used to. No urge to rip my face off or scream alone in my car, maybe a little of that. This time, it was quiet. A few minutes later, I found myself making pasta with a kind of childish excitement I hadn’t felt in years. Chopping garlic with a slight smile on my face. And there I was, past midnight, eating pasta with half a glass of wine, playing Street Fighter Alpha 3 on the TV. That moment felt peaceful. And then, later, it felt scary. Is this a sign that I’ve given up? I hope not. But everything feels strange. It’s been a while since I wrote anything, but one thought hasn’t changed. Hobbies can save you. I’ve noticed I’ve been spending less time on healthy activities, and this was the first step I took to change that. I’m writing this between sets at the gym. I can still taste the beet juice I had an hour ago. Maybe that’s enough for now. Not fixing everything. Not understanding…