The Same Ground, New Eyes

I worked my way into a Director position many years ago and with that role comes its own gifts and challenges. One of the rewards is that I am no longer responsible for day-to-day schedules, call-offs, and employee disputes. Now, just ahead of me, the manager is going on vacation, leaving me to cover for him. It happens twice a year, and each time it dredges up what some might call PTSD. I feel my thoughts start circling around call-offs and no-shows. The phone ringing at all hours of the night. I begin to feel the muscles in my neck tighten. When the phone beeps or rings, I feel myself clench. Each time it feels like I’m working through some old traumas, thought habits, and beliefs. Each time I come out of the experience learning something new about myself. Yet, each time as that week approaches, I feel the tension grow. As it grows yet again, I find myself almost laughing at the absurdity of it all. The mind wants to endlessly loop on all possible negative outcomes. Any time a…