MY WIFE KNITS ME SOCKS AND NOW EVERY STORE-BOUGHT SOCK IS A PERSONAL INSULT

I need to talk about socks. Not in a “fun quirky gift idea” way. In a “my wife has been hand-knitting me socks for over a decade and I am now physically and emotionally incapable of wearing anything from a store” way. This is not a flex. This is a warning. Sarah knits socks. She has knit me an uncountable number of socks. I don’t say uncountable because I’m being dramatic — I say it because I genuinely do not know how many pairs of hand-knit socks I own. They’re everywhere. They’re in the so...