Fall

The amount of pumpkin spice nightmares out there on store shelves is surreal. I imagine the food manufacturers have meetings about entire groups of products to apply the pumpkin spice treatment to, and the meetings are middle managers in blindfolds picking boxes of their product lines up at random, after which they follow the wails of capitalistic greed to the middle of the parking lot where they deposit all the pumpkin spice candidates in a multicolored monument to excess, whose overwhelming chaotic hues meld into the chromatic palette progression of a landfill before being crushed by the putrid husk of last year’s giant pumpkin third-place winner.Here we have pumpkin pie poptarts, with mayonnaise for scale. They do indeed remind me of pumpkin pie.Furthering this sad display of gourdy gluttony are the pumpkin spice tortilla chips and marshmallows. The marshmallows almost make sense. There is definitely pumpkin in there, and an essence of whatever highly addictive substance the food…

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