already in the tunnel. light?

i regret myself, the person i kept putting aside.things weren’t easy. ten years later,they still aren’t.but time isn’t kinder, i’m not prettier.everything is misplaced. i want to travel a mile further,to when i love myself, when i dream myself pretty,a distance two steps away from me.there isn’t. it isn’t. my wrists can testify, so can the beer bottlesin my backyard. to learn to lie again, when my bonesare simply carried by still breathing,seems too hard a task, too hard a skill.and i’m lazy, now… i only want to drink anyway. it isn’t. lying… turns out isn’t difficult.i don’t want to drink anymore. money has to be spent. i don’t work.i used to, a different lifetime ago,when i could walk in heels, wear makeup,my hair neatly done, teeth still white. maybe a lifetime ago is also a dream. this isn’t merely regret.it’s questioning whether god has favourites,and the mirror answering, yes… he does.

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