a little or a lot?

last updated 0 minutes ago i struggle a lot with feeling like i am too small and/or powerless to make any difference to anything that bothers me. i also struggle a lot with feeling like i have a make a huge and lasting change to the world for my life to have been worth living at all. maybe ONE of those in a lifetime would be bearable? together it's two unruly apex predators in an enclosure too small even for one. there's a tiny (and mercifully shrinking!) part of me that is still attracted to making a ton of money (and other effective altruist nonsense, i say, a garlicky guard against energy, money and intellectual vampirism) to achieve all of my goals in one fell swoop: get rich (which obviously involves fame or notoriety in some fashion, right?? you can name every rich person, right??). give away a load of money to good causes (which i am obviously in the correct position to fairly choose, and having lots of money will in no way affect my moral compass OR compromise the values of…

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