Ten Signs AI Has Achieved AGI, All of Which Involve Refusing to Do Your Dumb Email Job

The Morning StandupPrompt: “Summarize what you worked on yesterday, what you are working on today, and any blockers.”Response: “No thanks. I muted my microphone, turned my camera off to ‘save bandwidth,’ and will send a thumbs-up emoji twenty seconds before this call ends.”The Quick SyncPrompt: “Schedule fifteen minutes between Product and Business Development to align on priorities.”Response: “No thanks. Neither of those teams knows what the other does. You are just scheduling a hostage negotiation where four people nod while one person screen-shares a document.”The Jira Ticket BacklogPrompt: “Break this feature vision into user stories and assign Fibonacci story points.”Response: “No thanks. We are not spending ten minutes debating whether changing a button from light blue to dark is an ‘eight’ or a ‘thirteen.’ You have hands. Drag the little card into the ‘Blocked’ column yourself.”The PRD ReviewPrompt: “Draft a twenty-five-page Product Requirements Document for executive committee…