How to talk to a baby

Having a hard time interacting with a baby? Try these: Become an interviewer. Ask for her take on the possibility of an impending WW III. Ask what she thinks about the impact of AI on society. Ask what kind of person she'd like to be when robots take over human jobs. Ask what she expects from her parents. Ask what the secret is behind her chill attitude toward life. Make false promises. Promise the baby you'll pay for a trip around the world. Promise the baby Daddy will be fine even if she likes Mommy more. Promise the baby Daddy will feed her a slice of Papa John's if she sleeps until 7 AM. Make the baby the protagonist of your new story. Tell the baby she's been recruited as a spy for the North Korean government. Tell the baby she'll have to train to become a special agent. Ask the baby if she's ready for combat. Tell the baby we're living in a computer-simulated alternative universe. Tell the baby she's merely a collection of code. Tell the baby she's been invited to Hogwarts next…