An Ode to the Return of Standard Time

Let’s celebrate the end of Daylight Savings Time, my favorite moment of the year because it brings the night closer. And if you’re staying at a motel, you get a free hour. Changing the clocks should be the year’s biggest celebration with fireworks, parades, and gift-giving. Because if we can rearrange time, we can do anything we want. Invent new colors. Add more days to the week. Reset the internet to 2009. Have a functional government.