Yankees Call Up Leadoff Hitter Who Has Never Put a Ball in Play

The New York Yankees have broken baseball analytics with the promotion of designated hitter Homer Nunn, a player who has never recorded a hit, drawn a walk, or safely touched first base in his entire professional career.Nunn strikes out in one hundred percent of his plate appearances. His career batting average is .000, his on-base percentage is .000, and his WAR is somehow 12.4. He achieves this through a singular talent: fouling off fifty consecutive pitches before striking out looking on purpose.“It is psychological warfare,” said opposing ace Cole Armm, who was pulled in the first inning last week after throwing eighty-two pitches to the top of the order. “I threw a ninety-nine-mile-an-hour fastball at his eyes, and he poked it into the third base dugout. I threw a curveball in the dirt, and he golfed it onto the press box roof. On pitch forty-four, I threw the ball behind his back, and he backhanded it into the nachos in row twelve. I could have intentionally walked him, but I…