121 Days Later

Construction Barrier, Celina TX. It's been 121 days since I quit chess [Now I Can Quit Chess, June 27]. Here's what I've learned. I thought my problem was my rating. It wasn't. My problem was that chess made me feel worse more often than it made me feel better. That's the definition of a bad relationship. The pursuits I've stuck with are social, creative, and forgiving. Chess, at least at my level, is none of those. Talking is forbidden. It rewards pattern recognition and memorization. And there's no forgiveness in its design: one blunder can erase two hours of good play. Someone might say that's good preparation for life, but I was a grown-ass man already dealing with life. I wanted a pastime that was fun. Feeling bad, sitting still, staying quiet, and memorizing patterns were not fun. Online, cheating is rampant enough that I checked every loss to make sure I hadn't just been beaten by Stockfish, the strongest chess engine. That paranoia was exhausting. Over-the-board play wasn't…