What Is a Friend?

A spectrum of intimacy. A long time ago, I realized the concept of a best friend was flawed. I had “best friends” in high school, people I resonated with deeply and was inseparable from. We gravitated to each other, did things together, and shared interests or were willing to learn each other’s. I lost that after high school, when those friends left to study abroad or changed schools. I had really good friends after, people I spent a lot of time with, but I’ve always found myself swimming upstream while everyone else drifted down. That outsider feeling, an interloper-ness, was always present — a clear representation of being a third culture kid, an immigrant, and a person of color in a western world. There are ever-shifting circles. Friends in the middle, acquaintances on the outer edge, with gradations between. In between, friendquaintances. Friends are the people who: You call first if you’re in an accident You tell first when you have life-changing news You want to share with…