Co-Creating with Something Other

The leaves outside were half painted for fall. I sat on the porch to watch the sunrise and sip my coffee. The day was young and I was eager, but inside I felt something else. Something churned inside me, something that was somehow resistant. I had searched for the feeling as it grew over the past week. Sun shining on my face now, I continued my search and thought, “I want to create, but why don’t I? I’ve expressed on several occasions my personal path with creativity, an inner push and pull that has been a focus for years. A fractured self yearning to create, and another, frustrated by the process, who would walk away. It was a cycle that one day I was able to start to heal. I began to learn to relate to that feeling of frustration more as creative friction. A friction that at its core is the feeling of creativity itself. You can’t mold metal without heat. That simple idea acted as another step on the path for me, but now I find myself still wondering…why do I still not create? Am I…