all this life at night

there is an inward cut i feel when passing by life happening around me people out with their best friend in newtown stumbling from one venue to another or heading to a party dressed up and full of joy or glancing at people they fancy with that glimmer of hope and optimism that they may glance back and each others night's may blend into one with a story to share with other when you're older\ this wound is from everything i didn't do or didn't have a chance to experience or decided to withdraw or isolate because i didn't have the courage to do anything else and knowing that as i am now older those things will likely never happen and i am destined to walk with more solitude than i would have liked and i will always wonder what life feels like when you're young filled with hope and life when a night can feel like the whole world smoking and drinking like there's no tomorrow connections, memories, friendships just bloom i will always wonder what i could have been if i had not decided that…