n.t. dreams

I'm convinced I am autistic. I've taken many online tests where I have scored highly on the Autismometer. Also, several family members' children have been diagnosed as being on the spectrum and all the things that they displayed growing up were things that also applied to me when I was a kid. Weird obsessions, stimming, poor social skills, inability to sleep, precociousness - stuff like that. I had 'em. I was a handful for my parents. One of the things I've always struggled with is social situations. I can just about manage a one-on-one conversation that mostly won't veer into awkward silences. I still struggle to relate to people and I struggle to connect. Social situations where there are multiple people are just a whole new level of pain for me. I just can't function and basically shut down. So it's particularly galling that most nights recently have been full of dreams of me in group situations. I'm absolutely crushing it; we all get along, we all understand and get each other.…