Congressional Candidate Cuts Middleman, Offers to Pay Voters Direct Cash for Votes

After watching rival campaigns flood YouTube with desperate sixty-second videos begging viewers for micro-donations of one dollar or fifty cents, congressional candidate Bill Fold announced a complete strategic overhaul. He will simply pay constituents fifty dollars cold hard cash in exchange for their vote.Fold pointed out the baffling mathematics of modern political fundraising, where candidates hire dozens of digital consultants to raise money solely to buy more ads asking for smaller amounts of money. “All this just to pretend you have a grassroots Bernie Sanders style campaign when you definitely don’t?”“We are cutting out the entire consulting apparatus,” Fold explained at a press briefing while opening a steel briefcase packed with neat stacks of crisp fifties. “Why should I interrupt your recipe video to beg you for a dollar so I can explain my stance on infrastructure? Neither of us wants this. How about I give you fifty bucks, you fill in the bubble next to my name. EZ PZ.…