ugh

Overwhelmed. Well less overwhelmed now because I’ve accepted that I am/was overwhelmed. Laying on my couch with my feet up. Feels good. Started sabotaging myself Sunday. Stayed up late watching movies and YouTube. Monday good sleep. Tuesday up all night, movies, YouTube shorts, porn. Wednesday same thing. Thursday… same thing. Didn’t make it to any “kung fu” classes this week. Well, no I did make Monday’s. But I was barely there. There in body only for the most part. Most of this week I was there only in body. Well… there in mind. My body was there but I was inside my mind. In my head. Thinking, more like torturing myself, about how much I wanted to lay on the ground and have someone rescue me. I guess that’s a pretty glaring sign of being in the freeze response. At least that’s what that typically means for me. A big freeze. An ice out. I iced myself out. Psyched myself out. Binge eating. Dopamine detox. Decompression. Responsibility. Tension. Torsion. Tightness. Tired. Rest. Please.