embracing the pain

I’m just going to write until i feel better. I did some writing earlier. It made me feel better. My parents tried to talk to me. It felt like salt on an open wound. I don’t like talking to them much these days. It feels painful. Like a gnashing of teeth. Most things are painful these days. Well anything that has to do with family is painful now-a-days. I don’t know why. It just is. Parents, cousins, grandparents. Brothers. Just a low grade pain. I don’t know what or why or how. Just that it’s uncomfortable. Like a cut that just won’t scab. It’s open but I don’t know where it is or how to treat it. Fuck. I wish all this emotional shit could just be behind me already. I tire of it. I just want to be fucking normal. I want normal problems. I want normal feelings. I want to be normal. I want to fit in. This friction of being different is chafing. I don’t like it anymore and I want it to stop. I want life to stop. Like the Click remote. I want to hit pause and sit for a while. Sit in a…