missed the starting gun

i've been seeing a clinical psychologist for the last 4 months they recommend i feel my feelings locate them in my body think of what i am happy about myself each day self regulate my nervous system by doing x, y, and z the current way of existing is via over-extending, performing, appeasing, disappearing it will take years before i am even able to think and feel differently a feeling where i am somewhat happy about myself believing that i have any value at all having a foreign voice in my head that supports me i don't think i have that many years in me if i'm honest this is exhausting our ecosphere is nearly dead you're telling me that i can be more regulated and emotionally healthier and secure in a few years? but by then the earth will be too warm to live comfortably in so many of us will be experiencing ecological grief there are extinctions coming our relationship with the land is about to change forever we have what, a good 5 years? and i'm working on my attachment issues? fuck…