going home

There are times during Mass when i think about the fact that one day i won't have to wonder what God is like anymore. I won't have to pray toward someone i can't see with my eye or keep trying to imagine what it means to be completely known by Him in person, because eventually i will die and, God willing, actually see Him. Once i remember that, death becomes difficult to think about in the way everybody seems to expect me to. If God told me somehow that my work here was finished and i was going to die tomorrow, i think the hardest part would be pretending that none of me was happy about it St. Paul writes that "to live is Christ; and to die is gain,: and then says he has :a desire to be dissolved and to be with Christ." I understand that better now. Sometimes people say things like "you have your whole life ahead of you" and i never know what i'm supposed to feel when i hear it. Fifty or sixty more years sounds like an enormous amount of time to spend waiting to see God. Obviously…