I Want to be Unremarkable

For my entire life, I have been aware that I must die, and that my time alive is finite. This has always been a helpful motivator in doing important things, such as writing hundreds of words each day. When you recognize the timescale of epochs and eras, you also recognize how short your own existence is, and how pressing and urgent your actions must be. And for the most part, this has oriented me towards good—I want to try to leave the world better than I found it, and make use of my capabilities for the sake of others. But I am compelled not only to write, but to write in public. A compulsion to show my work and share myself as much as possible. I want there to be a record—a carving in the stone. And I have to reconcile this compulsion toward legacy with the fact that I want to remain, personally, unremarkable. There's an obvious tension there, if not an outright contradiction. I want to contribute good to the world, but I want my contributions separated from myself. I want people to…