Fairness and content

Dan had a good post about polyamory, in which he explains how his partner Ruth shares a bed between him and his meta — her other life partner. This invites a discussion about polyamory, but first, a discussion about fairness and content. In my mind that’s the main thing in the post before we get to relationships. The point is simple: When you aim for parity, you’re trying to make sure that every person gets the same thing. But this isn’t ideal, because not every person wants or needs the same thing! Fairness, is aiming to for everybody to be content. Ideally, everybody would get everything they wanted, all the time! But where that’s impossible, we can aim to at-least ensure that everybody is content. That everything is “good enough” for everybody. Unlike a quest for parity, this respects the fact that people have different needs. I like pour-over coffee on Sunday mornings. My partner Nat doesn’t really care as long as there is coffee. Meanwhile, my mom, when she comes to visit,…