you'll understand when you're older

More times than I can count, I have looked over at my mother while we were watching a movie, singing together, or simply holding a conversation, and have seen her eyes just full of tears. And when I was much younger, I did judge her for this a little, as I did not understand the reasons why anyone would feel like crying at the drop of the hat. I was not fond of emotion as a child. I did not have many pleasant experiences with its expression. I do not judge her tears now. I have not judged them for a decade now, because I have become so like her in this particular it makes me emotional thinking about it. But that took time, and sorrow, and change. I would not cry so about loss if I too did not know that grief and devastation. I would not cry so about expressions of love and care if I too did not know the beauty, the lightness, the joy of that. I understand her now that I'm older. I understand that sometimes your grief after losing someone you love can still overwhelm you years and…