32

I never thought I'd be the sort of person who didn't look forward to their birthday. The very notion of this would have seemed laughable to my younger self. I was always excited by the prospect of growing another year older and marking the event by celebrating with my family and friends.And yet, here we are.Today I'm turning 32. Not exactly a milestone year, but I would have expected to have even a modicum of excitement for the event.Instead, I have been watching the days count down with a feeling of impending dread.When sitting down to write this, I realized that I haven't written anything here this whole year. That feels pretty bad. Awful, in fact.I also have not written much in my journal. In comparison to 2025, my entries for this year are incredibly sparse. January started off okay, February saw a decline, and in the subsequent months I was lucky if I managed one entry a month.This lack of writing, in turn, leads to these marked gaps in my memory. I sit here—64% of the way…