COLONOSCOPY NOW: Phases III & IV

Content warning for MATTERS GASTROLOGICAL, for WRISTBAND-EMOJI-STICKERS BEING A DICK, for THE SOBE FLAVOR SO WHITE AND HATEFUL THE RNC SHOULD BOOK IT AS A SPEAKER, and for LOSING THE DEPOSIT ON MULTIPLE BOUNCY-CASTLES. Also it’s also little too long, but c’mon, nobody needs this to be even more posts. Antecedently: I am deprived of my GODDAMN OVERNIGHT OATS; reducing the strength of my human ass by any means necessary; Marwa picks the WRONG FUCKING DAY PHASE III (‘SCOPEMAS-EVE) Today I am not allowed to eat anything but bRoTh (soup’s little brother who always “throws his back out” when it’s time to help you move), jello of specific colors, and whatever the hell a ‘plain popsicle’ (???) is. Apropos of the jello restrictions I can’t have anything with red, orange, or purple (my favorite) coloration, which excludes most delicious things that I otherwise could’ve had and also my beetroot chewies that have helped bring my systolic blood pressure down fifteen points! I’m sure it’s fine. Do…