Before We Congratulate This Lady Author

We are here to recognize this Lady Author, who joins a prestigious list of exceptionally decent male writers who earned this Very Distinguished Award. She’s the first lady writer who managed to write something good enough to impress our selection committee. But tonight is not about her. Tonight is about all the men who got her to this magnificent moment.As such, we’ve invited several important men in Lady Author’s life to join us here tonight. Though none of them ever believed in her⁠—and still don’t⁠—Lady Author should recognize their impactful role in setting such an impossibly high bar of expectations. A bar set so impossibly high that they all believe that this ceremony is one elaborate ruse orchestrated by Lady Author.Give a round of applause to Lady Author’s Father, whose greatest disappointment in life is that he had a daughter rather than a son. Thank you for instilling in her one of life’s difficult truths: women aren’t funny, and she is no exception. To prove this point,…