mouthing words i read

i walk into the bar alone i feel so many eyes on me i think they're judging me but secretly i wish they would embrace me i ask the bartender for a red ale could i have a schooner i say she says no because they only do pints or pots why does such a simple fact feel like rejection and hurt so much? i remain smiling and cordial no one but myself deserves she is trying to read what band shirt i am wearing please ask me i would be so happy if someone took an interest in me tonight but i know it's pathetic it's not their job i'm supposed to find my validation only from my insides i walk up the stairs i walk past some occupied sofas then past a family i apoligise of course for interrupting their presence i sit on an empty chair i place my bag down beside me there are some loud british people on the adjacent chairs i feel like everyone is watching me i must persevere i continue reading the white darkness strange that the blindness of antarctic snow seems like the clearest thing to witness…