i drove around for hours

A few weeks ago I was stuck in the white-hot edge-of-suburban July, back in my hometown and struggling to hold on to my sense of reality. My hometown and the surrounding areas within which I used to romp are not inherently bad places. They are clean and safe, but they are under no stretch of the imagination likely to be considered very remarkable. Despite this, a total body transformation always overtakes me upon my return. I become irritable, depressed, acting upon old compulsions, filled with teenage malaise. My routines are upturned and I lament having to drive everywhere. I listen to old songs that make me feel quite bad. I remember so deeply in my bones what it felt like to have nowhere else to go. Waiting and waiting for the years to pass until I would leave for a place that could feel better, but there was no guarantee. The memory of that feeling comforts present-day me because despite how out-of-body I might have felt being there back in July, at least I know now that home is…