thinking about friendships

Currently taking stock of my social life, and throughout life, the same patterns emerge. I’ve always been a more solitary person. I’m an only child, and my parents were rather neglectful and homebodies as well; so we never really went on trips, they never took me to the playground or anything. I played in my room, alone. I went out to play in the shared garden by myself, I went to playgrounds and forests alone (I grew up in a small town/village). I occasionally played with other kids I met outside, but not always. I have always preferred my hobbies to be something I don’t need other people for and that I can just start on my own, whenever, exactly because of the way I am and how I grew up. At kindergarten, there was one other child I talked to and played with, and absolutely no one else. If she wasn’t in that day, I’d just be alone. I couldn’t stand anyone else. Having anyone over or having to bring me to any other kid’s place was always treated as this impossible task by my mother,…