something borrowed,

Sitting by a pool. Some people I know; some I don’t. Mixed vibes. Nice weather. Limbo. Disco. Fished today. No bites. Notifications on my phone. Expecting someone to reach out to me. Just a group chat for a geography game. Self imposed loneliness. Want to connect but cannot. Want to be more but cannot. Buy a course. Buy my course. Take a workshop. Purchase a book on how to connect. Patience. Melt into my chair. Disappear. All these people. Yet I am alone. Even the people I know don’t know. Don’t know me. Or maybe they do. They just don’t like me. Or maybe I just don’t like me. Or maybe I don’t even know me. There was a girl here yesterday who was pretty. I introduced myself and started talking to her friends. She left. I wanted to talk to her more but instead I just went to bed. It was a good sleep. Food was good yesterday. Ceremony was good. All was good. Something was off though. I don’t know what. I don’t know what. 🤷‍♂️