The Worm in My Shoe

On August 10, 2026, the New York Post published an article titled High school football player practiced for an hour with a snake in helmet — until coaches ‘shock’ discovery. How could I not open such an exciting headline? The article, which also links to the original local news report from KARK.com, explains that a high school football player at Maumelle (Arkansas) high school made it through about one hour of practice before he felt something strange in his helmet. He took off his helmet and showed it to a coach, who felt compelled to call over the athletic director and other coaches. In the player’s helmet was a two-foot long cottonmouth snake. While having a snake in one’s helmet may be a cause for concern as a general matter, the identity of this particular snake was especially concerning because cottonmouths are venomous. Fortunately, the Post reports that “the school staff was able to secure the helmet inside a tote bag before the Maumelle Animal Services arrived to take custody…