Okiki Akinfaye, RM9 5AN

I am still in the WhatsApp group chat for my Mum’s old road and now I have banned myself from TikTok, this is my new favourite scrolling location. People talk for months about missed bin collections. They swap seed packets and dining table chairs (no table). They complain about roadworks, bus routes, the coffee shops on the high street and how everyone’s always double parked round there, the fucking useless council, oh awkward, Peter at number 46 is a councillor actually, what was that you’re saying John? Come over here, say it to my face if it’s so important, silence from John for 7 weeks until (out of nowhere, no preamble) he posts a picture of himself on holiday in Spain, topless with a pint, watching the England game. No football chat in the neighbourhood group chat, please. Oh bore off Tez (winky face). Does anyone want this fully functioning Casio keyboard? 4 hockey sticks, all different sizes (I didn’t know hockey sticks had sizes). I like the scale of this kind of drama. It is…