My First Cigarette After 25 Years

I lighted my first cigarette after 25 years. Everyone at the bar stared at me, no one said a word. They know I do not smoke. They just stared at me as I picked up a cigarette without asking the owner. I took my first drag, and the familiar feeling came back. I actually hate smoking. I smoked in my early twenties is because it was cool, but I hate the smell. I joined the smoking group in my first job was because I wanted to fit in. I was doing IT support; I need to learn system skills from the seniors. Smoking was the best way to break the ice. Tonight I smoked is because I am tired of fighting the uphill battle. I am tired of myself for having blind spots that is wider than the Grand Canyon. I do not have the foresight to see the consequences of my decisions. I thought I made the right decision without knowing I just shot myself in the foot. I am tired of having someone to clean up my mess. I am tired of pretending everything is okay, throwing my fist into the air saying I take on any…