small life updates

in the past few months, i didn't have much to talk about, so instead i tried compiling my thoughts into one draft at times that i'd get something to ramble about for a bit. here is the backlog of these things. if you read these, thank you for your time. i wish i had something to post about, but my depression feels like it's been significantly worse no matter what, and nothing seems to bring me any enjoyment really. in fact, instead i feel this constant fear and dread when it comes to literally anything, even things i supposedly love, filling me with unbearable physical anxiety symptoms. it's been very hard to do anything when i feel disinterested and distressed nearly all the time.. and also just don't feel anything good out of it. i've just been trying to chip away at university homework and trying not to freak out too much. we have a homework related to values, and have to make four versions of one same painting in gouache — monochrome, in cold colours, in warm colours, and a…