Secondhand desires

Lately, I’ve been rereading the articles that I’d previously shared here. The goal was to go back to pieces I’d considered important enough to save, and to see why. I also wanted to discover parts of myself I’d forgotten. What were the topics I’d been interested in? What did my agreement with the authors of those articles reveal about my own beliefs? And which of the ideas that shape my life and desires today came from these people who are not-me? This latter is a question that has me worried a lot lately, because I might catch myself trying to live a certain way, do certain things, and then realize that the desire to have or be something was not originally mine–it just became one more thing to strive towards because someone else was doing or desiring those things. I’ve come to realize that I’m quite impressionable. I used to pride myself on being someone who changes her mind easily, but swinging opinions too quickly is not ideal. It takes very little for me to start wanting to do…