after goal blues.

I’m sad today. I’m mad I’m sad. I don’t want to be sad. But, alas, I am. I have some things I’ve been putting off; I guess self care would be confronting them. Laundry, cleaning. Hard conversations. Boundary setting; enforcing. Hard things. Ironman was tough but setting a healthy boundary is harder. In my opinion at least. Un-enmeshing. From friends, from family, from complete strangers. I take on their shit so readily. So obliviously. So willingly. Being willfully obedient to their hang ups. Make space for them; despite myself. Despite my face. Making myself small, invisible, docile. Not speaking up. Not speaking out. Screaming on the inside but silent on the out. Harm. Harming myself. Harming my life. Harming my health. My healing. My heart. I do it so often. So repeatedly. So… naturally. Who am I if not a collection of the people I spend time with. A mirror. A window? A mimic. A Ditto. A mime. A meme. I need an anchor. Something to weigh me down. The half Ironman goal was an…