Reject a Hit. A Series of Unfortunate Events

This was previously published on Writer's Digest. The column instructed us to be a clueless literary agent. This was accepted, and I was so happy my satire was accepted, I bragged about it to the grass and to gravity itself. The rejection letter. Dear Mr. Snicket, I am writing to you from the comfort of my office that isn’t tied with any secret organizations or any dastardly deeds such as littering. I have read your manuscript, The Bad Beginning, about Violet, Klaus, and Sunny, the gifted unlucky orphans. after finishing this woeful tale I have decided to reject, a word which here means, screamingly cast away your captivating prose, for the safety of households. My associates, also not part of a secret organization and who don’t litter, and I, have mulled over this book in between stages of fright and we just don’t see how the general public would be interested in a tale of a greedy and repulsive villain, itchy clothing, a disastrous fire, a plot to steal the Baudelaire fortune, and…