I Can’t Express Gratitude Without Fear

For as long as I can remember, I have had the strangest OCD / superstition - it drives me crazy and I want it to stop. Whenever I think or speak about the good things in my life, there follows a crushing fear of losing said thing. As if the act of acknowledging its existence will now alert some supernatural force to come and take it away. When I have this feeling, I have a compulsion to follow it with a get-out statement - like “Oh, I’ve just jinxed that” or simply “please don’t take this away from me”. If I try to rationalise it and not give in, a panic will build over the next few minutes or hours until I eventually do. I’m sure a psychologist would quickly say I have past trauma of losing something important. And they’re probably right, only I have no clue what that trauma might be, other than it was likely in early childhood. Is it my parents splitting up violently when I was 4? My mother abandoning me without a backwards glance? My alcoholic father and his emotionally…