Toniebox Encourages Kids to Explore Imagination With Their New Dostoevsky Figurine

Kid-focused audio player Toniebox announced its new Existential Dread collection today. Toddlers can now pop a hand-painted magnetic figurine of a depressed author onto a padded speaker and immediately absorb the crushing weight of classic world literature.“We realized there was a gap in the market between Disney songs and the inescapable suffering of the human condition,” said Head of Product Development Matt Churiti. “Now, when a three-year-old sets the little bearded Leo Tolstoy figure on top of their box, they are treated to fifty-eight uninterrupted hours of War and Peace.”Churiti explained that the interface remains exactly the same as the classic children’s toy. Kids simply squeeze the soft ear of the speaker box to adjust the volume of a prolonged Napoleonic battlefield sequence.For a change of pace, children can swap out Tolstoy for Fyodor Dostoevsky. By tapping the side of the box, toddlers can skip chapters of Crime and Punishment and jump straight to a destitute former…