my presidential platform now that i'm old enough to run

weather: ☀️ slimy but hospitable critters: little blue damselfly, several swallowtails, many sulphurs and cabbages my birthday was over a month ago but, uh, better late than never. here's my presidential platform (besides universal healthcare debt forgiveness affordable housing public transit public education parks funding monopoly busting &c. &c., which every sane candidate will promote anyway). my vice president, should she accept, will be angelyne anyone using those LED retinal hazards some dare call "headlights" will have said hazards destroyed with state-funded rocks more vending machines and automats nationwide. this will have a whole cabinet position actually all parks and public land agency workers will be authorized to fire paintballs at people who litter, play music without headphones, harass wildlife, or fail to leash their untrained dogs because the private muskerberg entity has clearly failed in its duty to behave as a public square, all social media will be nationalized.…