Why do anything

Gah. I was going to write about ennui and so on, and the urge to tell your deepest thoughts to strangers on the internet because it feels safer than opening up to your real friends, although the strangers never respond so your desire to have someone care about your thoughts goes unsatisfied. But I’m so deep in apathy that I couldn’t even bring myself to write the post. Sure, I could do anything. Work on this project or that one, or write or read, but why should I? The usual platitudes don’t help. “the time will pass anyway”. okay, i don’t care. “it will be fun” and what’s the point of fun? fleeting happiness? if i even feel it at all. boredom and frustration are more likely. What else do people say..? “it doesn’t have to be good”. well, you’re right there. it doesn’t matter if it’s good, because no one will ever see it or care about it, so why should put any energy into it. i think i’m just a downer. i have this friend, she literally frolics in fields. she drags me with her but even…