Do or die

The pattern persists, the pattern persists. I woke up late again, the pattern persists, the sink isn't very full of dishes, but it's not empty either, the pattern persists, I slept badly again, the pattern persists, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, the house smells bad, I forgot to clean the cat's litter box... I forgot? I highly doubt it, maybe a cigarette will calm me down? Nah, there's a sweet treat in the fridge, damn, I should cut out sugar. There's nothing special about me, I have a job, debts, cats, a girlfriend, hobbies, three or four friends, sometimes I go to the gym, sometimes I don't, I'm trying to avoid sugar, maybe I'm lactose intolerant, I don't know, I don't want to turn a diagnosis into a personality trait, yes I want a sip of your milkshake, damn. No sugar. My attention span has been shrinking for years. Endless feeds, short videos, constant stimulation. I don't think they're the cause of everything, but I can feel what they did to me. Sitting down with a book…